Error
by srjoey020
Summary: Spinel just received Steven's message to the universe. This is how I think she handled it. After all, you can't just go from sad to nuts in two minutes. It's a process that takes at least ten minutes. Does have self-harm and suicidal themes so read with caution.


Note: I wrote this while listening to Error (Yuutsukoe Karasu (Arpasing))

It's a great sad song that made me think about Spinel and how she must have felt after finding out about Pink. And how the second part makes me think about how she came to Earth and hurt Steven and how she had become a monster. It helps to hear where the inspiration came from. It's a good song. Anywho listen or not I don't care. Hope you enjoy the story.

It played over and over again in her mind.

'She's gone, she's gone, she's gone.'

She had a 'son' and other friends she lived a life without Spinel. That didn't make any sense, this wasn't funny or fun anymore. This game, she played for six thousand years wasn't any fun. The message played again echoing in Spinel's head.

"No! This can't be, I was her best friend! I waited and played and she's gone! I dreamed of the day she would come back… She would smile at me and say 'Oh Spinel you did it! You won! I'm so happy' She would laugh and hug me and then we would play another game."

Spinal collapse to her knees looking around at the garden. Its lush greens and pinks now dulled into shades of decayed gray, as dead vines and plants surrounded the place. The pillars crumbled into stone due to age. The fountain had a thick black sludge-like liquid within it and dead lily pads floating atop its inky surface. The air that filled the place once sweet and warming was now cold and tasted like bile. Spinal had watched it all die and crumble away while waiting for Pink to come back. There perfect garden once lush, green and full of life had died. Pink had left the garden and Spinel here to rot as she went onto making her colony, her new life. Spinal felt something fall onto her hands, she reached her hands slowly up to her cheeks feeling a wet surface beneath them. As all the grays before her eyes blurred together into a single shade of gray. She realized she was crying...She had never cried before. What was this feeling? It was heavy and bitter, it hurt and burned every inch of her body. It felt like stones were filling up her insides and weighing her down. Something inside started to scream at her, deep in her gem it screamed error over and over. These emotions, every gem had them but Spinel was never meant to feel these emotions. The despair spread throughout her entire gem as her core being screamed error on repeat, along with Steven's message. Both messages overlapping causing the overwhelming grief to cause more searing tears to fall. Spinel screamed out forcing both of the voices to stop as she thought to herself

'I don't know how to deal with this, I've only ever been happy and joyous. So bubbly and carefree, yet I'm crying...Is this how Pink felt? Is this sadness? Is this what it feels like? Why is it so, so painful?... Is this what Pink felt every time she came to play with me?... Play with me?... Did I even matter to her? She had other friends and a son, whatever a son is.'

It played again, the message that she had received about the 'new pink diamond', this Steven.

'No!'

Another wave of tears fell down her face. Slamming her fist onto the ground she screamed out in agony to no one but herself. Her tears continued to fall into the dead soil as even more tears forcefully poured from her eyes like a faucet. She couldn't stop herself from crying this news had hit her like Jasper's brutal attack. All her dreams, all her fantasies about Pink coming back had just died with the sudden realization that she was never coming back. Spinel's dreams had finally died, like the rest of the garden. Another scream escaped her throat, broken and horse as she grabbed at her messy heart-shaped buns and pulled them down. Her throat hurt from screaming out in agony and her eyes burned as another assault of tears fell. Her mind raced a mile a minute, as dreadful thought consumed her

'She forgot? No, She just couldn't do that but...SHE DID! She just forgot me...no, no, no she deleted me...The garden all of it from her memory. She just shoved it to the back of her mind...NO! No, that can't be right she loved me, right? She was here all the time to see me and be with me. Every day was so colorful and fun but she left me. All the colors here, our memories, our fun it all died when she left. I can't... She…'

It played again in her mind the message about this 'Steven' this new pink diamond. She screamed another horse, broken scream as tears continued to burn down her face. She heard her gem yelling at her again, error, error. She wanted it all to stop. She started to pound her fists into the mud her tears had made. Yelling all alone in a broken voice

"NO, NO, NO! SHUT UP!? *hic*...Pink, why did you leave me!? Did you just use me? WAS I JUST A MEANINGLESS TOY TO YOU!?*hic* IS THAT WHAT YOU WANTED FOR ME!?"

She stopped beating the ground and gazed around the garden again, the dead, lifeless garden that had blurred in her vision. The sea of gray and decay reappearing in her tear-filled eyes. She sobbed as she hugged herself wrapping her arms around herself several times hoping this would make her feel better. She sat quietly sniffling as her self imposed hugged did nothing to make her feel better. She opened her mouth screaming aloud as a fresh set of tears ran down her face

"IS THIS THE WORLD YOU WANTED ME TO SEE!? TO LIVE IN WITHOUT YOU!? TO BE FORGOTTEN!?"

Her eyes burned as another fresh wave of tears fell again. She couldn't stop herself from crying no matter how much she wished it to stop. Her gem, her core screaming at her again. Her head hurt as she laid it down into the dirt; hunched over crying to herself. Both messages mixing again causing a new sickening feeling to wash over her. She bit her lip, trying to make the tears stop, the yelling inside her head stop, to make everything stop. However, it didn't help instead it caused a new wave of pain to course throughout her body. She sobbed louder as a twisted thought started to form in her mind.

'I'm dying, this pain...This unbearable pain. None of it matters anymore. I don't matter anymore. Without Pink I'm...Nothing...Nothing...Nothing!'

Her tears kept painfully falling down her face as she looked up from the ground. Her joyful, hopeful eyes had finally died becoming two pools of black as her tears burned away her flesh. She let go of herself and stretch her arms over to grab the biggest pillar piece she could find. She held it high above her, despair had finally set in as she saw the word error appear in her right eye. Her voice was broken and horse as she spoke,

"I can't live without you Pink. There's no point if you're not here."

Her arms trembled as another wave of tears fell from her eyes. Her eyes burned like salt had been forcefully rubbed into them, her throat felt like she had swallowed glass. The pain was overwhelming her every sense as the error signal flashed feverishly in her right eye. She didn't care she looked up at the pillar as a peaceful smile crossed her lips.

"I'll just shatter myself. Hahaha, it'll be so much fun. Right? Pink."

Her voice was broken as she released the pillar piece. Everything stopped.

Her gem fell to the ground below, flashing a bright red color. Suddenly speaking aloud

"Error, Gem cut P-S1 Spinel is defective and must be shattered immediately. I repeat, Error, Gem cut P-S1 Spinel is defective and must be shattered immediately. Reason: unnecessary feelings detected. Code 11-256 has been destroyed. P-S1 Spinel's purpose is flawed and loyalty to Pink Diamond is no longer detected. This gem is no longer following its purpose. Rouge gem. Rouge gem."

It repeated this distress call for a couple of minutes in a robotic Spinel voice. As Spinel's real mind stayed silent within her gem.

There was nothing she felt nothing as she was back to just being a gem. Until suddenly she felt herself, her gem arose and all her pain, grief, sadness, the misery it was all flooding back as she began to reform.

'NO! NO! I DIDN'T DO IT RIGHT! I'M COMING BACK! I DON'T WANT TO FEEL ALL THAT PAIN AGAIN! I JUST WANT TO DIE!...WHY DID SHE LEAVE ME!? WHY DID SHE MAKE NEW FRIENDS, WAS I NOT GOOD ENOUGH!?'

Her sadness was consuming her again and was drowning her as she sank deeper in. Until her mental lifeline snapped, the gems saddened mind finally broke as she started to emerge from her gem.

'Its there fault ain't it?... That she left me… It has to be all those gems on earth. Its there fault! It has to be she loved ME before, she got to earth. It's their fault! They don't deserve happiness, they deserve to feel what I'm feeling! Hurt, sad… no'

Something new was setting in, it was overtaking her pain and sadness, mixing everything together and blurring the line between sanity and madness. It was hot and searing as it took over every inch of her mind, shoving her sadness deep down into her. Whatever was emerging seemed to twist her more than her grief. Her gem lite up as she reemerged, heart buns now jagged pigtails standing up straight like rabbit ears. A dark magenta top with pointed shoulders and long dark pink pointed boots. No more best friend Spinel, just a hideous monster was left. Her heart gem once so perfect was now broken and internally shattered, she couldn't bear to have her broken heart right side up anymore. She made sure to turn it upside down to show how broken her heart had become. The most damning thing about her new form was her eyes, her cartoonish eyes had become two hot pink irises as red circles rimmed the bottom of them to show how much she had sobbed and cried her heart out. However, the most striking part about her new style was that she had three thick black lines under each eye, like running mascara. She stood still as Steven's message replayed again in her mind, her error message no longer screaming at her.

"I chased after a dream that would never come true and how much did that cost me?... SIX THOUSAND YEARS! That's how long it took me to released how foolish, HOW STUPID I WAS!"

A sickening, psychotic laugh escaped her lips, it echoed throughout the garden. If any life was left in the garden it would have shuddered at the sound, it was broken and malicious all at once. She stopped laughing as a dreadful game idea started to form in her shattered mind. She spoke again, as her anger overtook her again

"I have a great game to play with your new friends, Pink. I hope you know that you choose to have your life and you decided who to have fun with. You left me and you used me. You probably laughed at me all this time! With your new friends! WELL, WELL, WELL, WELL, WELL, I'LL JUST HAVE TO SEE FOR MYSELF! WON'T I PINK!"

She turned and looked at the warp pad as a twisted, maddening grin painted itself across her face.

"I played the waiting game just to make you happy and you used me. Pink it's your fault, I'm a monster now, too bad you can't face me now. I hope you're ready to lose a game, I made just for you…

She frowned

"No, wait you're gone that ain't fair!? YOU'RE GONE!"

She screamed in frustration, grabbing her pigtails and pulling them down as her eyes darted around the garden. Her mind was in pieces as she thought for a moment about what to do; Steven's message suddenly looped again in her mind. A smile crossed her lips as she released her hair

"For Steven?"

She questioned. Her smile became a full-on grin as she yelled with conviction

"Yes for Steven! I want him, I want your new friends to play this game with your best friend Spinel…Your precious Steven and your precious friends, I want them all to feel sad, hurt, despair. JUST LIKE WHAT I'M FEELING."

She laughed maniacally as she made her way to the warp pad heading to one of the many artilleries Homeworld had. She needed to get some new toys for this game they were going to play.


End file.
